Friday, October 27, 2006

Warning, not for faint hearted

Honestly, I don't like to compete. But I'm an ego maniac......

Funny how I don't like competition and yet I have the urge to compare myself with others who are better than me.

I've never felt more contradictory than ever.

I don't enjoy competing and yet I want to be competitive so that I can be better than the rest, and maybe even the best, if possible.

And I feel the frustration more than ever...... I feel out of place...... I feel so unnatural, so hollow...... I don't even know if I'm myself anymore.


eelinchai said...

bottom line is, u like to compete.. say it with me.. compete.. or maybe u're just insecured with urself. so, u don't like to compete, but u feel the need to so that u don't come off as a person who's not within the average of the norm. i think. :)

Chimpanzee said...


Hsueh Ming said...

I'm addicted to competition.

Dee said...

eelin: Haha, maybe there's a part in me that loves competition and I'm not aware of it. Perhaps that part is manifesting itself now. For know I'm still unsure......

chimpanzee: Well...... I don't mind an epiphany to enlighten myself as to who I really am.

hsueh ming: And I can very much live with much less competition...... or maybe it's the beginning of my addiction. I don't know.

Hsueh Ming said...

Hurm... don't think you're kiasu by nature... or maybe you hung around me and chimp too much.

Self discovery is never really a painless transition. Self deception even less so. So which is it?

Dee said...

Self discovery perhaps.

But I can never tell for sure.

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