Monday, April 16, 2007

There are times...

when you wish that you have 48 hours a day so that you can sleep more.

Now is probably one of them for me.

Then again, I've been sleeping more than i used to...

Math and accounting tomorrow, effective communication on Thursday.

Effective communication, like moral, is completely worthless as an examination paper. Why DIDN'T they abolish the examination part of it earlier!!!!!???????


Time to bury my head into the books again...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Ah Seng ar... Happy Birthday yea?

Once upon a time in a planet far far away where chimpanzees dominated, there lived one chimpanzee(whom we affectionately call Chimp from now on). Originally, Chimp was like each and every of his friends... eating bananas and poking fun at the female chimpanzees the whole day, not worrying about a single thing in his life. One day, while he was swinging and jumping amongst the trees, he slipped and knocked his head against the Tree of Evolution before falling flat on the face.

The knock on the tree had triggered a chain of gene mutation in Chimp so fast and so drastic the moment he got up on his feet, he could start performing all the tricks that chimpanzees do in the circus we see nowadays. As time progressed, the tricks that Chimp did became more awesome and jaw-dropping.

Of course, other male chimpanzees weren't amused at all because Chimp was now the most wanted chimpanzee among the females. The male chimpanzees then came up with an evil plot to get rid of Chimp. So this one chimpanzee(whom we'll address as Dee Chimpo, which is quite a disgusting name at that) came up with the idea of hiring a professional assassin, to which all the other chimpanzees happily agreed.

The idea backfired though because the assassin hired is also a chimpanzee and was easily lured by bananas. All Chimp did was to hurl a banana off the cliff and the assassin took off with the banana. Dee Chimpo began to think of more plans to get rid of Chimp but Chimp always managed to get himself out of trouble, more often than not mocking Dee Chimpo in the process. Dee Chimpo was very mad now, and Chimp's treemate(think of it as housemate, only this time it's in the tree) Wangi Chimpy came up with a brilliant idea of getting Chimp to run a very long journey and then feed Chimp poisonous food while Chimp was too tired to make proper judgments...
Well, actually it's just Wai Seng's birthday. We made him run all the way from Hall 16 to Hall 6 by having me faking food poisoning. Shaun pretended to be rushing back to my room and called Wai Seng to ask him to rush over. Wai Seng didn't have to run really, it's just that Yi Wang(who's cheeky enough to come up with the idea of making Wai Seng run for his birthday cake) initiated the run and Wai Seng had to follow. At the same time in my room...
Elaine somehow found taking the picture of me in bed amusing...

I was sleeping soundly We're all set to put up an act. In he came with Yi Wang, both sweating profusely... Shaun and Daniel tried to make things seem more serious... and then everyone appeared at the door, with Elaine(if I've heard correctly) coughing out an awkward "Surprise..." before everyone else shouted it. All in all it was a good fun(though my role was just lying in the bed).


Sunday, April 08, 2007

Come Clean

This is the side of me that I've been bottling up all through the years but now I think it's best that I come clean.

I have always feared being left out and deemed unwanted. I hate to know that I'm just another face in my friends' minds and they will just forget me once we're apart.

Is it insecurity on my part? Paranoia? Maybe.

But it has been happening pretty much throughout my whole life. I've been left out in primary school, probably because I was such a crybaby back then.

I've been left out during my early years of secondary school by my 2 best friends, and probably my 2 only friends at that time. That was the worst experience I've had. To make things worse, I had to endure all their mockeries because they're my neighbours in the class. Even in my later secondary school years, some of my friends did give me the feeling that I was the outcast.

Then college...... for once I thought that I can throw away all those feelings with my newfound friends. But deep down, in all its subtlety, there were hints here and there that I was still the outcast. An incident recently while I was back in KL was particularly striking.

Really, for this to happen so many times, I can't help but ask, "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Is it because I'm unfriendly? Is it because I'm arrogant? Is it because I'm too dull a friend? Is it because I seem to like to alienate myself? I don't know...... all I know is I don't want this to happen again.

With all these experiences, it's extremely hard for me to be very close with anyone who I know. I fear that it'll be history repeating itself all over again. The scars were never healed, they just got deeper each time I went through the ordeal.

I'm not writing this to gain your pity. I'm writing this so that you can understand why I tend to keep a certain distance from you. Believe me, it's not because I hate you, it's not because I don't want to be close to you. It's just not easy for me due to my past experiences. It might be selfish of me but I need more time, I need to slowly trust again.

And I'm sorry for the sudden outburst yesterday. Those who were there, it's not your fault.

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